To start off I want to ask the question, is love worth avoiding knowing you can lose it at any time? Which ultimately could result in an abundance of emotions that we often try to avoid. In order to gain the full human experience to me involves going through the emotional spectrum that we’re all capable of. What makes the human experience beautiful I think is that we all experience the same emotions, our ability to emotionally relate is something amazing.
It is okay to hurt, grieve, be sad or angry. I’m of the understanding that life has two sides of a coin, one side involving suffering and the other involving beauty. You can’t get one without the other. The love that I’m referring to is the love shared between relationships both platonic and intimate.
There is Strength in Vulnerability
Vulnerability
Vulnerability invites companionship, it makes relationships stronger. Life being as brutal as is can make anyone feel alone. The hardships people endure at times can feel very personal, “why me” kind of mentality. Which is understandable, but while making out your hardships to be something that’s personal can make you feel secluded or feel as if you’re the only one experiencing something.
The trauma and hurt that we carry are emotions other people carry. Vulnerability allows us to connect when we feel so disconnected. I think we try our hardest to make sense of our suffering and everyone comes to different conclusions. The one conclusion that is consistent is that our suffering is shared amongst each other.
Past experiences often shy others away from opening, the pain that brings is warranted. There are numerous ways to be vulnerable as a means to release the pain you’re carrying. I’m probably wrong but when waying the pros and cons of releasing your vulnerability. I’d argue the pros outweigh the cons. Both releasing and withholding run the chance of you hurting be it from someone invalidating your pain, or someone throwing it in your face. Internally, often we already blame ourselves for most of what occurs to us. Even when you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable it becomes internalized. There’s no comfort, not even in yourself.
The pro side of being vulnerable is that someone will validate your emotions, someone will relate to you and take away the feeling of loneliness. When you’re vulnerable it’s like coming out of the eternal quicksand that you’ve been under, only breathing through a straw. Ultimately, I think being vulnerable is allowing yourself to care, to allow yourself to feel rather than be numb.
I’d argue the closest friends we have are the ones who allowed us to be vulnerable. Those to whom we gain attraction towards at some point allowed us to be vulnerable. You must take the good with the bad, even if the bad because of being vulnerable lasts longer than good. I have a saying that goes like this “The love you’re capable of having and experiencing from a person can last shortly as a months’ time, while the heartbreak could take years to heal.”
That quote is intended for any relationship be it a friendship, intimate partner, or an animal. To rid yourself of that feeling I think keeps a person confirmed by their own solitude, fearful of what’s to come. I think there’s beauty to be shown in the case of a heartbreak…It means you cared. You know now what that feels like being on both ends of the coin. Which in your benefit allows you to be relatable, gives you a chance to learn, to take the good, to give you memories you won’t forget. Because you were vulnerable… Letting someone know how much you care about them is a showcase of vulnerability.
Melvin Declares His Love For Carol | As Good As It Gets
What’s meant to be, doesn’t equate to it meaning to last.
Abandonment
Abandonment looks different for everyone, often is experienced, or equated with what occurred during one’s childhood/adolescence. The fear of abandonment can often be carried into adulthood. That fear is often attributed to the loss of someone you loved or deeply cared for.
I think something that isn’t talked about enough is that if you are willing to let yourself love someone, it is equally important to have the capacity to let them go. It’s natural to cling to what it is we love, it’s normal to not want to lose it. Once lost, the pain experienced is okay. Missing someone I think is okay but aching for them to comeback is bad for you. There will be times when we love others and express a deeper care. Unfortunately, it isn’t always reciprocated, those who we gain the feeling of abandonment from may have their own reason for leaving which you may not understand. Everyone is not ready to be what we need in our moment of need, and if that is a reoccurring theme in your life, to that I’d say lower the expectations we place on others.
We can’t make anyone stay with us. The feeling of abandonment has many interpretations, I’d argue that when abandoned people often reflect on themselves and blame themselves. Which can be healthy and unhealthy. The healthy manner would be taking accountability of areas you can improve and working on those. Unhealthy reflection is when you blame yourself and begin to sort of devalue yourself.
Not everyone we love will leave us, and not every person that leaves us doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s extremely hard to experience a feeling you desire when you can’t express it yourself. Allow yourself to love, so that you can be loved. If the person walks away, amongst the pain you’ll feel in the present, I’d say going forward you will look back and not have any regret regarding if you could’ve done better.
We want to control the outcomes of every situation we can use for our own self benefit, that’s not how life works nor love. If you are afraid of loving someone due to the chance of them leaving you, you yourself won’t experience love. To love anything, you have to be able to let go of what it is you love even if it is at your expense.
La La Land – I’m Always Gonna Love You
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